My plan, my goals, my passion:
.... LOVE NOTE.
I've been searching for love in all the wrong places, But am I looking for love or do I just want to have fun? I love having a boyfriend and being happy and settled down, but then the happy goes away and it becomes fighting and jealousy.. Who wants to plop that in their lap if it's not necessary? Granted I've had bad taste in men in most of the past relationships I've been in. I refuse to ignore red flags, if they're there go ahead and fight them now, because later when you really LOVE it'll be too late.. Your heart will be on the line and in a danger zone. Is it so wrong for ME to want to be taken care of? I want a fucking man to take care of me... I want to be able to take care of myself financially and stuff don't get me wrong, i'm no gold digger. I want a man who wants to take care of me though, and WANTS to treat me like a princess and doesn't complain about it, and he has to be attractive- and I have to feel comfortable. I want a sweetheart but a badass. <3 I can never find the balance. And the end, i'm cutting it off there-- i can't believe i even dug that deep...
WHO I AM..
I want to do more of what makes me happy. I stopped exercising months ago, why? I have no clue. It makes me feel good mentally, physically, and emotionally so why would I not do it everyday? .. Laziness? Lack of ambition? Exercising can be a huge outlet for me, it gives me confidence when i feel my body is at my best and the endorphins it releases can be a drug to me, and my addictive personality.
I love expressing myself through art amungst many things-- painting, drawing, decorating, fashion, nails, makeup, hair, writing, even dancing alone in my room ocassionally, who cares? One thing i hate is when I get so wound up in social life that I don't allow enough time for me to work on me. I've done it a lot in the past and it starts quick goes hard and burns out fast... I burn out... mentally. I have to have my space. I have to have time to think, progress, learn more about myself. But then there are those rare people who are exceptions, and those people are really special to me... I'm irritated so easily, anybody who i can spend hours upon hours on end with and not get sick of or frustrated with is going to be a very important part of my life.. obviously. Marybeth is one of those people, and she's the only one i'll name publicly. I love a partner in crime for a relationship of any sort.. Does it make sense to you ? or am i crazy?
I try and remind myself everyday to surround myself with people who i 100% trust. I don't take risks. My home is my home, my family is my everything.. I never let people into my home that could endanger my loved ones. I want to and try to surround myself with people who have morals, ambitions, and responsibilities. Something I'd like to try to surround myself with more of :: MEN with respect. However, boys will be boys- men will be men... although i'm sure some of my greatest guy friends can be ass holes to the girls they may have hooked up with, they treat me great hence why we're friends... I love being around positive people, laughing with people, and learning from others...
AND THAT'S ALL
Rant and words of L.jay xoxo