Thursday, April 19, 2012

I start typing, don't take my hands off the keys, type out a symphony of emotions & feelings.

I'm pissed off, i'm fighting with my family, i'm fighting for my life and living it up.. I don't believe in stressing in things before they're stressful.  Why think negatively when you can think positively? Well here, I'm putting my fingers on the keys and i'm not taking them off until I feel like everything's off my chest. xoxo......

Possibly the cutest couple EVER.

Sometimes I wonder if i'll ever leave this black hole, if i'll ever find my real home.  A family? wait what's that? the one where your brother and mother call you names and your lucky if that's all your dad does, if you can call him a dad.  Your in love with a "soul sucker" every time i get away i get sucked back in.. nobody knows the shoes i walk in, nobody knows the feelings i experience.. Just like i don't judge people for their decisions, agree or disagree i always know there is a meaning behind what they did or didn't do.  Maybe it's just me-- who dreams of an unrealistic family.. but i know it's not fake, I've seen it before.. at the same time i wouldn't know it if it was placed at my front door, it's so foreign.  Unconditional love, support, a bond, a meaning, memories, traditions, affection, spending quality time... yeah, i'd love to have those, but I don't I've pretended before just to be reminded that it's something really far away.  A close minded mom, a drunk and selfish father, a sweet brother who you love but you really can't trust, family so distant, I've reached out to all the wrong people, went through my share of "friends" 3/4 of them aren't there in the end.. here it's just me, alone and solo again.  Trapped in a dark home with no way out, no way to leave alone, no way to escape, all my friends have to pick me up then my mom starts to interrogate... leave me alone, just leave me alone, leave me alone, i wanna be alone.  All i do is try to escape from this life i clearly hate.. so let me escape in a healthy way without pushing me away, if you didn't i would've made many of changes long ago yesterday.
and that is all, until things get better i'll just continue to try to LIVE LAUGH AND LOVE and be LAUREN JAY... xoCraft Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory

1 comment:

  1. You have people trying to hold you down. I think you need to find something your good at ( a career) maybe cosmotology. You are 21 almost 22 and you are your own woman no matter what your mother says or father says or what your brother fails to tell you. You are awesome! stick with something that gives you more confidence and leads you to a brand new life! Once you've succeded at this, No one can hold you down! Not family not friends. I wish you the best of luck pretty girl! Just know there is someone who feels your pain and is struggling as much as you or even more than you! xoxo