Monday, March 19, 2012

a little more personal...

Life for me is always up and down, it changes hourly/nightly/daily.. I feel my emotions are out of control.  So much trauma this year, one minute i'm smiling the next minute i'm crying... I've learned no matter what things do get better... I've also learned (within the past few years) i have a lot more control over my emotions than i give myself credit for.  There is a lot more in the palms of my hands than i think there is... And I can have a lot more than i believe i can have... I try to remind myself of these things daily.  Sometimes it's hard when the people i love don't seem to believe in me.. They always expect the worse.. they always bring up my past and expect that from me.  It can be discouraging when people are always guessing you've done something negative instead of something good.... it's like "why don't you believe in me?"
It's so hard to have happy thoughts and high dreams when everyone around you is so negative, complaining about work or school... Life's so short.  Can we enjoy the time we have here? Can we live and laugh without complaining about EVERYTHING? Why be miserable and huff and puff and roll your eyes at everything when you can be laughing at something else or doing something that you love? I'm not holding back anymore, Quite honestly i stopped holding back months ago (i could STILL be more spontaneous!).  Night after night of thinking and regretting things I didn't do or regretting things i did do... i just stopped.  Why just wish for something and not go after it? Why live in the past regretting mistakes when you can fix them and make a new future for yourself? Don't spend time wondering when you can spend time finding out! No time to dwell anymore, only time to live my dreams.

What inspires you? What holds you back? What do you really want out of life? How do you want to live?
Lauren Jay <3


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