Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Unhealthy relationships

I don't know where to begin. Yesterday morning i was woken up to a text message from a friend of mine asking if i had been on facebook yet that morning, and that my ex boyfriend posted nude pictures of me all over facebook. How immature? How hurtful? How betraying?
I can't believe any human being would go that low to hurt somebody. I cannot even explain how horrible i felt. There was panic rushing all through my body. I even saw a few "friends" of mine posting rude comments under the photos. I knew things ended on bad terms, and i knew that he was going to do something horrible to me because that's who he is. He's a very weak, manipulative, pathetic person. But, now he's done the worst he can do to me. What else could he possibly do to me? Sometimes i worry that the possibilities are never ending.
I called the police officer who always deals with our issues and "disputes". He came over, he felt horrible, he was trying everything he could to find a way to get him arrested. He's still looking into it and i know that he wants to get him in jail, everyone hates the "ex".
However, I wasn't going to show up to the domestic violence court date... Now? You better believe i am. I will go there and MAKE SURE he ends up in jail.

I don't write this blog to vent or to tell all details on my life.... So i'm going to get to the point of my rant here.. And that's relationships. Not only have i delt with my own personal issues lately, i also feel like i've been listening to everyone elses relationship problems. Tiffany and her on-and-off-again boyfriend are having problems. He treats her like crap, he doesn't appreciate anything. He won't sleep with her (like literally sleep--in bed. He definitely has sex with her) ,but yet has her wrapped around his finger. He does mean things, blows up at her, ignores her, etc. and she thinks that there is something wrong with her. She aways thinks it's all her fault. IT'S NOT. It's an abusive relationship.

As i'm growing more mature. I see more and more relationships on tv and through friends and i can't even estimate the amount of unhealthy and abusive (in SOME kind of way) every week. I feel like a lot of the damage in relationships come from acting irrationally and on emotions. We tend to forget that things we say when we're angry STICK. Don't call your girlfriend a bitch or any other horrible names at that. And to all you ladies, if your man does call you names like that (no matter WHAT the scenario), you need to leave. That's a red flag. Being called horrible names is called Verbal abuse.... You should never involve yourself in a relationship with abuse. Red flags should be taken seriously when testing the waters at the beginning of the relationship.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
~Judy Garland

Lets face it- i've dated the WORST of the WORST. Why? Because i was a wild-child and fun was all i cared about. I also didn't realize that some of the abusive behaviors WERE abusive and unacceptable. I truly believe a lot of my confusions about what relationships are supposed to be, come from my parents. I didn't grow up with happily married parents. They fought and as the marraige got closer to it's end- the fights got worse. I spent a lot of time in my room crying, and a lot of time avoiding my dad at all costs. But, continuing on to what i was saying.... now, i have the "red flag system". It's pretty simple, to the point, and very strict... sometimes i get tempted to ignore it when i meet a seductive bad boy.... But, using it will only save ME in the future. And believe me, i NEVER want to be in a disgusting, horrible, unhealthy relationship again. 1 red flag is okay, 2 and i can't have you in my life, sorry guys!

Why be in a relationship if you aren't happy in it? What's the point? I'm pretty sure that the reasonn why people start a relationship is because they make eachother happy, they feel happy about growing together. They teach eachother new things, they bond and learn from eachother. Basically, i'm sure you all know, but obviously we tend to forget-- a relationship is about trust and love. It's so important for relationships to be filled with positivity-- without that, they're pointless.

We're never so vulnerable that when we trust someone- but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy
- Walter Anderson

Never lose yourself in a relationship. So many women stop working, stop hanging out with friends, spend more time with your man's family than your own, stop doing things you love because your always involving yourself in that person. Yes, i've been there too. It sucks. And when the relationship ends.. It's absolute HORRID. You're literally stuck. You've lost everyone and you're all alone. Don't be afriad to try to go to old friends though- usually they'll always be there for you. Still though, keep a life outside of your relationship. Have a girls night once a week, go to the gym daily, meet a friend for coffee, call 2 people for love and hello a day. Those are simple things you can do to keep a life going for you. Once you both lose your favorite things in life due to obsession with one another--- the relationship grows sour very fast.

I'm the queen of staying in a bad relationship because i'm comfortable in them and have this tendency to try and "save" people who don't want to save themselves. I've learned through a few failures now, that you can't change somebody who doesn't want to change themselves. One of my exboyfriends just couldn't get off of drugs, rehab and all--- i stuck with him through it all. He ended up leaving me. I wasted so much time on him. He didn't give a shit. Then my most recent ex boyfriend, he's been a bum since the day we started hanging out. He's lazy. He wants everything for free and has tried to barter on prices at restaurants and retail stores (yes, like Belks).. He's stupid with money but is so judgemental on how everyone else spends theres. He's selfish-- he steals not only from friends and aquaintences but also from stores. I knew all this before we started dating that's why i want to kick myself and that's wher ei decided the red flag rule has to come into effect. What did i expect out of that guy? He's crazy... Look at his track record. Do you really think i was going to get anything great anyways?
he's s habitual felon. Can't keep a job cant keep or maintain anything good.

So. My nude pics are all over fb and I went and hung out with good friends

Sorry for venting <3 xoxoxo
LOVE you all!
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