Monday, November 7, 2011

Breakup, i dont care if there is a makeup

  Like i said last night, i was so ready for a new week.  Last week i didn't workout once, ate junkfood and just slacked to the extreme, the fights with the exboyfriend really left me worn out, and on edge.  Well today i woke up really early, had a nice hearty breakfast, took my meds, drank my coffee watched tv and began work for the day.  I write reviews for a website and was writing about the Rimmel white tip formula i bought last week and how amazing it is.  I also had some cleaning to do around the house that i didn't complete yesterday because- again, last week (yep, including yesterday) i was a total and complete slacker.  I left my AIM up and had a message from the ex saying yo yo.  I briefly spoke with him, got irritated because i find it nearly impossible to write an article whiel typing to somebody.  He has absolutely no respect of anybody elses time or priorities.  He's so selfish, whenever i'm moving the least bit forward he tries his absolute hardest to smudge in between and cause total and complete chaos.  I get more and more fed up with him daily and believe my mom more and more everyday.  He drains me mentally, emotionally and physically.  He's never truely there to "help'' me.  Although i think he means well in ways that other people may not be able to pick up on.  His cons overlook his positives.  All i see is a huge waste of time in our relationship.  Not only have we been doing it for 2 years and i haven't made much accomplishments towards any of my dreams due to his posessiveness and control issues, half of my time is spent with him or with him up my back about something that doesn't matter.
So i get a knock on the door, and naturally, i ignore it.  It continues, i ignore it. It continues more, and i ask myself "who would ring the door multiple times and just not get it? who would be inconsiderate to somebodys privacy?"... hmm, i wonder.  I answer the door and there stands mr. Ex ... Dreads everywhere and his parents van.  Okay, sorry, i'm not interested.  Surely, he manipulates me to come (waste some more time) to go with him to pick his little sister up from school.  Reluctantly, i agree out of feeling bad for him, i know he's so loney, he has no friends.  And i don't really have close "hangout all the time" friends anymore eiither! thanks to him... Oh, and i've even completely lost friends thanks to him.  I get in the car, nothings said,         no conversation, boring.  LIKE ALWAYS.  I'm growing out of him, i need out.  Anyways he caught on that i didn't want to be there and obviously brought me back right after because what can he really offfer me anyways?
I come home, he signs on AIM and said "hey c**t" and signs off.  I will not take that kind of abuse anymore, i used to enable it, now i won't.  Although he was signed off, i sent him an IM stating "don't call me, don't email me, don't show up at my house, i want no further contact iwth you get out of my life"
I'm dreading whats to come this week.. he's PSYCHO.  He'll show up, call, call the cops, do anything to catch my attention and i just have to keep moving!  I will call the cops, i will stop the problem the correct way.  I'm ready to move on with my life.. There are so many things left to accomplish.  I'm 21 years old, beautiful, intelligent, loving, kind, warm, affectionate, interesting, artistic and hilarious.. I'm not going to waste anymore time with people who don't deserve to have me in their lives.  Why waste myself on shitty people? and that's what he is, a shitty person.  He's selfish, manipulating, rude, lazy, selfish, arrogant, and a habitual felon.  I'M DONE.
So get ready for the new and improved Lauren.  The Lauren that is random, funny, always stylish, going out and having crazy nights and fun exploring days.  The Lauren that is always watching something funny, doing art, coming up with a crazy idea or thought, goes to the tanning bed 5x a week, hangs out with her crazy friends, workout fanatic (daily), meeting new guys, going shopping, making more $, more optimistic, more positive, genuinely more happy, away from bad things, makes good choices and lives the almost balanced life she's always dreamed of.  Because, Ladies and gents, our relationship has been on and off for 2 years, and in the "offs" is when i'm always this amazing person... during the "ons" i go from being an amazing gal to a very tired one, a very negative one and a very "self esteem dropped out of my window months ago" gal.
I'm so excited for the changes and the positive things i can do with myself and these ways i can now live my life to the fullest with no man telling me i'm not special or to make me hesitate, if i wanna go stand in front of a camera naked, i can.  If I want to kiss a handsome exotic man, I can.  If i wanna go outta town, sleep late, eat alone, go out with the girls--- I CAN. And, I CAN'T WAIT for that, i can't wait to be myself again, me, myself, lauren, i.

Welcome to my beautiful song of the day featuring the amazing, Benny Benassi.


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